To Play or Not To Play

OMG....

last wednesday elaine told me this:
"May, u can join our netball team for MSSD because they just received the letter from department that the tournament is opened for 2 teams, both under 15 and 18."
that time my reaction was T_T , >.< and =_="

When i want the chance it doesn't turn out, when i duwan it came = = " I think this the chance is given by God, may be the God wants me to play for the game. But i don't have the full passion like others in netball. Attending training sometimes might be a burden to me. Don't know why when think of training i feel like crying. Nowadays better, i just take it as an exercise, a game to relax and sweat. LOLz

Since last year i joined netball team as taking up a sport. I think of one day later all of us (ji mui) can participate in a game because all of them are netball players. The training was suffering for me because im juz a beginner, not as pro as others. Im worry of pulling down the team one day later.Anyway i enjoyed the time training with the girls. There's no evil, i had the true friendship with them. We always encourage each other in the games. They won't keep in their mind or angry of you when you accidently hit their face or other imporatant parts haha..

Yesterday i was told to stay back for training. But the weather is so damn hot so i told elaine that if possible i quit the team because im reali tired. im kinda stress this few months and i have to cut down watever activity to concentrate in my studies. The weather is so damn hot n the sun is so scorching. I dunwant to suffer under the hot sun n duwan my eye to swell again (duno wats wrong with my eyelid, it swells after running) . The o.O look is reali funny but ugly.

I discuss with my mum bout this and she support me to join cause my frens playing too..but later she ask me to think properly and dun stress myself..the medal and glory is not as important as ur health. I always force myself for everything i desire. I gave up netball 2-3 weeks ago when i knew i was not selected for the team (that time only need a team). At the same time i was busy for PBC camp too. So there was unnesscerily for me to attend every training and i would not be that stress..

since larian ria i force myself to run non stop for 4km..and at last i fainted at the school gate yang amat memalukan kaum lolz..my position drop from 2nd place to 18th.my medal gone.. I cant believe myself and hope that was juz a dream..that time the blank scene in my mind when i wake up is reali terrible because whatever people told me i cant accept. everyone is helpless to me. i tot my life ended there. Anyway its over..since that day my health status is dropping..and i cant take up sports as long as last time because i scare i will faint again and i dun have that confidence too..

So yesterday afternoon was really an enjoyable time for me. I sleep at 2 to 7 and had a nice dream, nice time, because i have no worries. Holidays is around the corner oh yeah..Camp was over..Sukan was over...everything is over..so relaxing..no more netball..SLEEP N SMILE =) Then at night nicole sms me n said that " May, u have to go for training 2ml coz we lack of 1 person." ALAMAK, my bad dreams was back again T_T..

My mind is confusing right now and i have no ideas. If i join, i have to suffer for another 3 weeks, skip my test and sacrifice my holidays. If i quit, i lose the chance to get into MSSD and miss the chance to play in the game with all ji mui. This is the final year for me.

What should I do?? Can anyone give me some ideas?? trouble-ing. I need comments. Pls help me...